Understanding Self Love

Self worth and self love, these two terms are often talked about and viewed as a crucial element in fortifying our personality. But how do we determine that we are giving enough love, and not acting as a pillar of demotivation for our own selves?

In the recent days, I was pondering a lot about the self talk I do daily and what exactly my thoughts are, about the events going on in my life and my reactions to those. I realized that it often happens that when someone criticizes or rejects our offer regarding anything in the world, we do assess whether we were right in the first place or not. I mean this part is okay, one should always try not to repeat mistakes and for that we should know if it was actually our fault, for which we have received a negative response. But what if it was not, what if we were 100% sure of being right and we know that the comment or confrontation we received made no sense. Then, should we allow ourselves to feel bad or insufficient or worthless? Of course not.

But this is what happens usually, especially for overthinkers or introverts, and obviously for those people who might have this childhood trauma of being scolded even for the slightest unknowingly made mistakes. Some of these people are unaware of the fact that they just claim to love themselves, but are actually not doing so in practice. I mean love is all about accepting all the flaws one may have and having admiration and a lot of respect for the person we love. Then why can’t we have this endless trust and high esteem for our own soul and body? Why is it that loving someone else is easier than loving our own personality?

Let’s check whether you have enough love and respect for yourself. A “NO” score greater than 3 would do:

1. Do you make compromises for chasing the things that don’t actually deserve your time and attention?
2. Does your entire day’s mood depend on how that one person treats you?
3. When the whole world is treating you wrong, do you forget to stand up for yourself too?
4. Do you feel taking care of yourself when you are wounded (emotionally / physically) as a burden, and maybe wait for others to do that for you?
5. Do you hesitate to step out of a place if you feel your presence is not valued or you are disrespected?

Well, these were just a few scenarios but I guess you got the point, and now you know where you stand in loving and accepting yourself.

Some of the reasons why you lack in this area might be:

1. You allow other’s perspectives to take over your own; valuing people’s opinions is important in order to be open-minded, but overvaluing them at the cost of the relation or just trying to please them is not acceptable. One should always have the confidence to put forward his/her opinions and alter/modify them if they are wrong for sure.
2. You lack in being able to set boundaries. People have access to a lot more of you than they should be having, and you think it is normal and okay because you trust easily and believe they won’t misuse it. But whether they do it or not, it is your personal duty to have access levels of your soul, just as any precious or sensitive resource in an organization does have.
3. You let the wand of deciding your self worth in someone else’s hands, and let them control your thoughts and self image. For example, if someone made a comment about you directly or indirectly, you would start over-evaluating yourself, instead of reassuring yourself that their opinion only reflects their mindset and not your worth.

The list is never ending, but remember that every problem comes with a solution by default, and so does this too.

Some of the things you can do to honor yourself more may include:

1. Positive self talk
2. Listen to Good music
3. Avoid overthinking
4. Take people less lightly
5. Focus on your goals, and reward yourself on achieving them too
6. Go on solo dates
7. Prioritize your needs and control your own life
8. Listen to your body, and take care of your soul
9. Accept the mistakes you made in the past, and all your previous versions too (wholeheartedly)
10. Have faith in your capabilities and self-sufficiency

Remember that only when you love yourself fully, you can give the same love to others too. You would not have to lean on them for giving you what you deserve; your higher self esteem would enable you to feel complete by yourself and not requiring validation from anybody else, and even allow them to take care of you as you do for yourself.

Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself..

Thanks for reading. Have a great day :)